She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
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I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
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I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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