that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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