Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
