ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
