How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
