It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
