You're a womanizer and a bitch.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
