it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
