Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
