I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
