Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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