insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize