Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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