just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Randomize
