my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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