I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
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