I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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