Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
