either way he was missing a nipple.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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