My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
