How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You need Xanax blowdarts
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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