i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
