It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
