He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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