Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
