Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
