i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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