He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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