First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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