There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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