He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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