you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
