She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
