What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
