I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
