you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
