Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just forgot I was standing up.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
