Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
