How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Buhtt sex?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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