he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
