I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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