Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
