I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
