Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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