well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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