I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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