My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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