Define "chronic" masturbator.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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