your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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