I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
