she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
