My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
