xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
