Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
