The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
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Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
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SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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