the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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