So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Randomize
