You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
