it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
