I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
