My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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