she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
