I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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