dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
