Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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