ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The beer is more important than you right now.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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