suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
