I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
