Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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