Umm I'm too high to move.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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