so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
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I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
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Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
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