Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
