My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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