Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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