I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize