i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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