just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
