I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
