Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
