I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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