i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
