I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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