Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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