can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
