ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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