dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
