My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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