I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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